THREE KINGDOMS RPG [E][TVB][2012]

This is a very strange episode, mixed with politics, a dash of humour and huge load of busybody which is my Malaysian Girl 100 Stratagems, except I can only think of one now. All thanks to "sei pat kung" Shun. You will know why.

And this episode we hear so much of one character that we are not seeing yet which is Sun Quan. 7 episodes and I keep hearing

1. how shrewd he is

2. how strong his army is

3. how strong a ruler he is

I am now seriously curious about how Pierre Ngo will approach this role. Seriously.

And so this episode starts with a hot spring bath and we have the usual 3, Lau Bei, Cheung Fei and Guan Yu. Except there's one more addition and that is a half naked ZGL, probably wondering how he got there. If Shun is in here as well (and I am sure he will squeal like a girl if he knows he gets to share a hot spring bath with ZGL), this will be a seriously crowded bromance. But right now Shun's bromance is still with Kan at the courtyard under the tree under the bright moon. Basically they chatted how grateful they're with ZGL on their side, how he helps them so much and Lau Bei even want to scrub his back which ZGL refuses until he was moved by the fact that Lau Bei treats him like a brother. All very moving. And no, I didn't find it disturbing. They're just bathing but I swear Raymond Lam looks uncomfortable by perhaps the semi nudity. I would have loved to see how ZGL ended up there in the first place. Like do Lau Bei say "Hey! Bath time together" and ZGL goes "Yeah sure!"? Anyway whilst bathing ZGL complimented Cheung Fei for something which Cheung Fei says "Oh I don't deserve that compliment! I am just a rough, tough, smelly soldier!!" and ZGL says with a wink "Since we are bathing here, is anyone smelly here?" and they all laughed.

Then someone ran in and has an urgent report.

"My lord, the Chief of Jiangxia, Huang Zhou is dead. He has been murdered by Sun Quan"

Pause.

I stand to be corrected on the Jiangxia name. I heard Cantonese Kong Ha.

Continue.

And out of the bath they go. Nahhhh no such scene. Pity eh? Wonder what they wore underneath?

Everyone is not happy. Lau Bei says "HUang Zhou is the Chief of Jiangxia, and Sun Quan killed him. What does he mean by that? Does he mean to start a war and attack and capture Jingzhou soon? What must those at Xiangyang thinks?

Pause. 

I was also confuse. Jingzhou I assume is in Xiangyang which is governed by Lau Biu and that sei pat poh. Sun Quan is at Jiangxia or near there perhaps? Do they all come under Han rule?

Continue.

ZGL the sound of reason says "It may not mean anything. Sun Quan didn't get along with Huang Zhou that we all know. Huang Zhou was rude to him, so Sun Quan killing him is expected. It may just be a personal issue between those 2 men and does not concern the rest of us"

And some even stranger news. Lau Biu wants to see Lau Bei.And everyone was like "What? See that Sei Pat Poh?!"

Lau Bei and ZGL went to Xiangyang to meet Lau Biu. But first they see Sei Pat Poh and her son, Lau Chung. Let's just say they were very very friendly. Lau Bei was quite surprised as she actually chatted with her as she says "My husband and I are so indebted to you for defeating Cao Cao, it also means peace to us as well" and Lau Bei says "Yes indeed, and we did it without your help". Awkward! He is then told to see Lau Biu alone, which is even stranger since Lau Bei says "Am I not to discuss such political matters with you as you insisted the last time?" and Lady Choi laughs and says "Me? I am just a woman, how can I decide such things? No no, my husband is well again and so he shall take over such matters. He will see you now" and off Lau Bei goes.

ZGL and Lady Choi alone and I thought maybe she will seduce him. No she doesn't do that but she chats about her sons, that is mostly Lau Kei, the eldest and not her child. Basically she dismisses Lau Kei as a studious scholar and a fool who enjoys reading nonsense late into the night and every night, drawing, calligraphy and so does not seem to be up for the job as the would be Chief of Jingzhou. ZGL says "I am sure the things Young Master Lau Kei likes will assist him in his ambition, after all learning such things as calligraphy, drawing and reading are beneficial to a ruler" but Lady Choi laughs and dismissed Lau Kei "Ruler? He is even scared to sleep without the lanterns lit! He at this age even..." and I think she wanted to say he even wets the bed but she stopped herself and ZGL smiles awkwardly.

Meanwhile Lau Bei sees a coughing Lau Biu and Lau Biu says loudly "BROTHER!!!! I have so missed you!" and Lau Bei says "Me too! Are you well? You look better!" and Lai Biu says "I am still sick but still alive. I haven't been feeling that well because I should have been there at Bok Mong City with you, fight alongside you, lend you my army and the fact I did none of that, I am ashamed of myself!" and Lau Bei benignly dismisses such talks as he says "Brother, you have given me refuge at Xinye when I lost to Cao Cao, please do not say such things" when Lau Biu says I"We are after all relatives and we are Hans. There is an urgent matter why I have asked you to see me" and Lau Bei thinks "And finally you have reached the main point..".

Very funny!

Lau Biu says "Sun Quan has killed Huangzhou. I think he means to attack and seize Jingzhou. And once Jingzhou falls, you will be next. We must combine power, answer Sun Quan's threats as one united force! You must go to Jingxia and keep Sun Quan in check! Agree with me my brother!" and Lau Bei hesitates as he says "I too don't want to see Jingzhou fall or leave Xinye but I must consult with my advisers" and Lau Biu pushes him "We have no time! You're the master, they do as you tell them! Agree with me!" but Lau Bei insists "I need to consult them first brother" but if another push probably he will say yes. Lau Bei is that weak in that sense.

As Lau Bei leaves he bumps into Lau Kei, the eldest son and he looks stricken as he says to Lau Bei "Uncle, please save my life! That woman, she means to dispose of me. She raises the taxes to the 4 states that I govern, now we could hardly afford those taxes. And she takes away all my advisers and trusted men, leaving me with no one! I am sure she will use all these as an excuse that I am not a good Governor and then have me disposed off and kill me! Help me uncle, I don't want to die!!" and Lau Bei is angry and Lau Kei says "Why not uncle I become your ward? Come under your protection? You are an imperial uncle and maybe she won't hurt me" but Lau Bei says "But this is your family problem to which I am not able to intervene. I advise you to tell your father everything" but Lau Kei cries and kneels and begs "Uncle, father is under her control. He will do as she says! save me! If you won't, I will be dead in no time!!"

Meeting time, minus Shun and Hon. ZGL could see Lau Bei's dilemma as Lau Bei says "He wants me to go to Jingxia. It is impossible! And then there's Lau Kei" and everyone is worked up over Sei Pat Poh's obvious plan to killing Lau Kei to make her son the successor and Cheung Fei cries "Why that stupid Lau Biu must marry that evil sei pat poh as second wife?! Why?!" as they all look at ZGL for help as ZGL calmly says "It is obvious Lau Biu has been advised by Lady Choi in this matter of appointing you as Chief of Jingxia and my feeling is she means to kick you out of Xinye and reclaim Xinye. I have a solution which will kill 2 birds with one stone" and this was after he saw Cheung Fei accidentally knocked the brush holder over as he continues "We will advise Lau Kei to take up the post at Jingxia, that way my lord need not go there and Lady Choi would have got rid of Lau Kei and Lau Kei would be safe being far away from her"

 and Lau Bei says grimly "Cao Cao at the north, Sun Quan at the east, Lady Choi at the west. We are practically surrounded by our enemies"

Pause.

I think that was what he said if I got the direction correct. But isn't Sun Quan at the south? Did I get the direction wrong? Anyway I am sure Cao Cao and Sun Quan feels the same as well.

Continue.

And so it was agreed. ZGL goes to see Lau Kei but everytime he tries to talk to Lau Kei he sees gardener, servant at every corner and he remember Lady Choi saying Lau Kei studies into late at night and he knows that the only way she has such information is because there is a spy next to Lau Kei but Lau Kei being stupid doesn't and keep wanting to talk about what Lau Bei has in mind to save his life and ZGL keeps talking about gardening and books, until finally they went up to the attic and was alone and ZGL could tell the relieved Lau Kei the plan. ZGL says "You just go and report to Jingxia, and then write to your father. That way things have already settled and Lady Choi can't do much. You will be far away from Lady Choi and be safe" but Lau Kei asks "But to be near the tiger Sun Quan.. isn't that another danger?" and ZGL says "Sun Quan is not interested in starting any war. He is comfortable there and will for the time being pose no threat to you and yes, being near Sun Quan is better than to be near your step mother who is more of an immediate danger to your life. I am sure you will get along with him" and Lau Kei nods as he agrees "Better be near a tiger that does not bite than to be near one that is already gnawing at me"

Pause.

I don't get it. Everyone says Sun Quan is powerful, scary, ambitious but right now not yet. And yet they're gonna send a meek puppy like Lau Kei over there?! And an assumption they will get along? Like what? Bath together? Seriously ZGL? To throw this lamb from one hungry wolf to another wolf that will be hungry one day?

Continue.

Lady Choi isn't too happy to hear Lau Kei has escaped and is in Jingxia and she questions the servants and knows ZGL visited him and were alone with him for a moment in the attic. Lau Chung angrily says "That ZGL, he dares to go against us. Mother I shall kill him for this insult to you!" but Lady Choi laughs "Son, he settled our problem. I think he is brilliant. I have finally found you a capable adviser!"

ZGL receives a letter at night and he immediately he leaves and Shun, at the time dating Kan under the bright moon at the courtyard under the tree sees him rushing off and says "Why is he rushing off late at night? FOLLOW!" and so he and Kan follows him to a motel and tries to get in but is told that entire place is booked. Shun is even more curious.

Inside it is ZGL, Lady Choi and Lau Chung. Basically Lady Choi wants to recruit ZGL by saying Lau Bei is too small fry for his talent and thinks money will tempt him and this is where there are some brilliant lines uttered.

ZGL asks innocently "If that is so, who do I report to? You or Master Lau Biu?" and Lady Choi says "Of course me" and ZGL says "But wouldn't that be disrespectful to sidestep Lau Biu who is after all the chief in Jingzhou?" and Lady Choi laughs and doesn't think so and she says "If you work for us, you are no. 4 in authority" and ZGL says "No. 4? So the 1st is Lau Biu, 2nd is the eldest son, 3rd is this young master here?" and Lady Choi smiles and says "No no, you will be no. 3, under me and my son here" and ZGL says "I see. But why would I want to work for you? You see in Master Lau Bei's camp, I am no. 2, answerable only to Lau Bei and under no one else. I enjoy immense power and authority there so why would I want to come here? Unless you can promise me that I shall only be answerable to one person only" and both mother and son offended as she says "Lau Bei will be defeated one day and then you will need to seek a new master.." and ZGL says "And I shall be happy to serve as adviser to Master Lau Kei, who is kind, generous and benevolent" and oh pandemonium as ZGL makes it clear he is not interested in serving her and he leaves.

Pause.

ZGL has style! He always has style! He is arrogant and rightly so and arrogant to the right person. Lady Choi is insane. ZGL will sooner retire to farm than to work for her!

Continue.

Shun sees ZGL leaves but he stays to see who he was seeing and to his shock he sees Lady Choi and son.

Next day he sees Lau Bei and the other 2 looking forlorn and Shun doesn't know what to say and hesitates and finally says "I know my lord, I am also as dumbfounded as to what to do with Adviser Zhuge" and they look at him as he says "I know he saw Lady Choi last night" and Lau Bei angrily says "She means to snatch him away from me! Now rumours are everywhere about this and it is not good. Though Adviser Zhuge says he has declined, I am still worried.." as Cheung Fei says "Brother, Adviser Zhuge is essential to us. We must not lose him! Those rumours will do him no good. Now everyone will try to tempt him with better offers after knowing that sei pat poh did what she did!" and Shun says loudly "Ohhhhhhhhhh!! I understand! She is the one who spread the rumour so that Adviser Zhuge's life is made difficult and he may leave us all when he thinks we don't trust him. She is such a sei pat poh! So devious" as Lau Bei finally says with confidence "No no he won't leave us! I have trusted him since the very start! I am confident!!" and everyone is silent but Shun adds in a tiny voice "So why my lord were you frowning in the beginning?" and Lau Bei comically look at Shun.

VERY FUNNY REACTION!! 

And what happens next will surely make ZGL leave them because of smart alek Shun.

Shun in park  and sees a young beautiful lady playing the piano and he finds out she is Mei Yu, niece of Lau Bei, daughter of Lau Bei's second wife's older brother and he shouts "How come there's such a gorgeous girl and I don't even know?!??!". And he sees Song Yau and they both could see Chi Him as he says "That is Yeung Chi Him. He just got married. See how gentle he treats his wife. Do you feel like you missed out on a gem?" and Song Yau says "No. Good for them to be so loving" and he says "Not even a little? Him being almost as handsome as I" and Song Yau says "No",and Shun doesn't understand her. Truth is I agree she missed out on a gem. At this point he doesn't think Song Yau as pretty as he says to Song Yau "You know you could use some make up, spruce up a bit, you don't need to look so dowdy you know" and Song Yau says "I think I look alright" and Shun says "Have you considered plastic surgery?" and Song Yau nods and Shun perplexed says "Will you ever be angry with what I say at all?!" and Song Yau smiles "Brother Wan Shun, how can I ever be angry with you? Though I don't know what you mean with your hometown lingoes but I believe you meant well. You do give good advice" and Shun was like HELPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!! Yes he is frustrated that Song Yau has no personality. 

Pause.

Here I laughed at the whole make up thing because seriously Song Yau has like 2 inches of powder on her faces. If this is her plain face, how then TVB make up dept intents to spruce up Tavia? By changing her face and have a guest star be Song Yau?!

Continue.

Meanwhile he teaches fellow maids the 10 Poses Of Hong Kong Girls and we get to see Kenneth Ma giving us 10 cute poses  which was cute but if repeated is very tiring to watch.

ZGL walks with wife and sees Shun having fun and smiled a little and he gets a call for urgent meeting, he leaves and his wife is almost fainting as we are told by maid she is not well but because ZGL wants to walk, she pretends to be well. Sigh.... what a troublesome woman. If you're sick, admit it, rest well and come back outside another day! Anyway maid has to practically half carry her up the stairs, past the park when Shun sees Yuet Ying and he cries "MRS ZHUGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!" and he runs and jumps towards her which again was cute and funny as the maids follow and he says to her "You wanna see the 10 Poses of HK Girls?" and they all make the poses but Yuet Ying faints. Song Yau alarmed and ZGL says "Huh? Is she so darn weak? Ok, anyone here knows CPR? Anyone?" and see how he isn't running to administer the CPR when a gentle voice says "I have learnt medicine, let me try" and it was Mei Yu and she successful get Yuet Ying to awake and as she carries Yuet Ying back, we see their backs and we see Shun thinking "Wow, a lady doctor! Ahhhh, one such a beautiful gentle healthy woman (Mei Yu), the other so ugly and sickly (Yuet Ying), one so presentable to everyone (Mei Yu) and the other you just want to hide away somewhere (Yuet Ying), why does my idol have such a luckless fate to marry an ugly woman like that (Yuet Ying) when he could have had a hot girl like that (Mei Yu)?" and at this moment I think I hate Shun for being so judgmental. I know he is no. 1 fan and fans like idols to get with pretty smart presentable girls but I felt he was being very unfair to Yuet Ying who has been the main pillar of strength of ZGL and his career. Song Yau asks "What are you saying?" and Shun sees her and goes "Ewwwww... nothing".

Is Song Yau THAT ugly?

Anyway Shun has a plan to rectify ZGL's problem.

Here you must agree with me; ZGL HAS NO PROBLEM!! NOT WITH HIS WIFE ANYWAY!!

Anyway Shun goes to Lau Bei and says he has a way to make ZGL stay and it will be to let Mei Yu marry him and thus he is one family with Lau Bei and is obliged to stay. And Lau Bei asks why should he do that to ZGL who is already happily married and Shun says "But he isn't. I mean look at his wife? Who wants a sickly pork chop?" and Lau Bei asks "What is pork chop?" and Shun says "In HK, it means ugly girls. I mean who doesn't want a beautiful healthy feminine wife like Lady Mei Yu? I am sure this is what Adviser Zhuge wants, more so because his brother forced this marriage upon him, he doesn't want her. And what is wrong with marrying another wife? At this day and age, every man marry more than one wife!" and Lau Bei agrees and I was like

NO!! NO SHUN! THAT IS NOT WHAT HE WANTS!! SHUT!!! UP!!!!

Sadly, Lau Bei thought so too and lest he forgets how Shun says he can't arrange a marriage for his maid, what makes him thinks he can arrange one for his adviser? Shun's logic is because innately ZGL wants him to because he is deeply unhappy and dissatisfied with his wife. I do blame Yuet Ying a little for not showing her face more and let them all see how ZGL is affectionate with her. Lau Bei should know with all the begging for doctor's help, seeing him boil medicine personally, do all that point to a man who innately does not love his wife?

Sigh! Lau Bei goes with Lady Mei to see her brother and though brother doesn't like Mei Yu being 2nd wife but in the end he agrees ZGL is a great match, like how he married off his sister as 2nd wife to Lau Bei. Well this man has good taste in son in laws so to speak. Mei Yu's mother disagree since she feels marrying as 2nd wife is an insult to her daughter even if to someone great like ZGL whilst Mei Yu knows she has no vote in this and had to agree and then as her maid told other maids, she spent her days crying her heart out. Hao Lin hears this and rush to Yuet Ying and told her how ZGL is marrying a 2nd wife and that probably he doesn't know yet so Yuet Ying can stop him but Yuet Ying went on sewing and says "I am happy for him" and her maid angrily says "You always feel you're not good enough for him! Mistress, stop thinking like that! Put a stop to it!!" but Yuet Ying continues sewing.

I get it! I get it! Men marry more than one wife, wife has to agree. But she is meek because she is how exactly as Hao Lin says. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!! So angry with Shun. Idiot! He made wrong assumptions! He really does think ZGL can't love an ugly sickly woman.

Lau Bei meets with ZGL and breaks the news to him and ZGL is shocked and says "Me? Marrying Lady Mei Yu?"

I am sure next episode ZGL retires and leaves with wife for farming all thanks to Shun. My bet is he will do that until Lau Bei retracts the marriage arrangement and ZGL finds out it is Shun's idea and so starts the cold cold treatment to Shun who will go back to jilted lover stance and probably feel ZGL as ungrateful to all his efforts.

Sigh.....